The last few days, I’ve been making some decisions.
After weeks and weeks in a fog of what seemed like an eternal suspense, things have finally started to become more clear to me. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, or at least the few posts I’ve managed to publish since Samhain, you know that my life is changing big time, and that kinda makes me reevaluate, take stock and question everything about where I am, where I was, and where I’m going.
I guess you could say that the Goddess Kali has been having a blast. Ever since I decided to end my relationship and move out, my tumble drier broke, my vacuum cleaner broke and then my TV broke. Just to give you an idea.
Which made me think that I should really go with the constructive destruction that apparently is abound, and get rid of everything that has been giving me headaches and worries and stress.
So, first of all, I took stock of my studies. They have been ever so painful, as I felt that I really didn’t belong there and I was going nowhere fast with the extroverted seminars and the somewhat airy philosophy I couldn’t find a practical use for in any way. I’ve been taking Nature and Culture in my Master’s degree in Cultural Studies, and it finally exploded in a very frustrated e-mail to my professor. To make a long story short, I will still finish what I’ve started, but I will do it on my own introverted terms, and I have also signed up for another study in Sociology of Art and Marketing, just to make sure I study something I not only love doing, but also will be able to actually use in a practical way later on when I get a job.
Because, let’s face it… I’m going to need one, fast, as soon as I finish my studies in a year and a half. And I have one shot at this, one shot only, to get myself a killer Master’s Degree and finally start getting an income. And somewhere down the line, I started resenting the idea of being a solopreneur. Instead, I’ve started longing for a life where I’m just doing my job and having a stable income fill up my bank account once a month. At this point, that feels like true Zen to me.
The last few days, I’ve been immersed in a book called Creative Arts Marketing, to catch up with the rest of the students, as I’m kinda late to the game. And let me tell you, I’m finally home. This is kinda what I’ve been doing all along with my online projects, and this is what most of the blog posts I’ve been reading the last few years, actually, have been all about. I love marketing. I love being able to put things that are important and meaningful to me out in the world, and at the same time helping creative artists get their wonderful work of arts out there, too.
And the combination of Nature and Culture, Sociology of Art and Marketing, and my Master thesis, which will be an ecofeminist analysis of The Twilight Saga… it’s in total alignment with everything that I want to do with my life. It feels right. Deeply so.
So, with all this in mind, I will have to kill my darlings. I’m keeping the blog, but I will not, with the extra studying in mind, be able to sell my own products and keep up with the customer care and the bookkeeping and everything that comes along with having a business. I quit! As you can see in the sidebar, my own stuff is gone for now. Instead, I’ve put up affiliate banners of things I really love. It will be much, much easier that way, as I still get to promote beautiful stuff and help out people I admire, but without all the extra work on my part. I’ll leave that to the people who want to have a business.
This will also affect my use of the social media, by the way. No income and no desire to have one at this point also means that I’ve had to kill the expenses. All of them. So there will be no more automatic updates like the Wild Wisdoms and the old blog posts sharing on Facebook – unless I can find a free way to make it happen. I can’t even guarantee that I will have the time to be online as often in the time to come, but you’ll see me around now and then. And please feel free to give me a shout!
It finally feels like my life is starting to come together again.